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Q:
My mate say's he sucks milk from his girlfriends tits, but she's
never even been pregnant. He's talking bullshit right? (P
.J. London, UK)
A:
Believe it or
not P. J. this is completely possible...even without the use
of hormone treatments. Manual stimulation of the nipple, or the use
of a breast pump will stimulate the pituitary gland and the
resulting prolactin will cause the breast to lactate...think we know
what you'll be doing tonight!
Q:
If my cars airbag is activated while I pick my nose, will my finger
be rammed up my nostril?
(Sie)
A:
The full airbag process is complete within one twenty-fifth of a
second so should you be picking at the time then yes, nasal
penetration may occur. However, as the airbag would only activate in
an accident situation, you should be more concerned about leaving
your car to face the world with a green dangler hanging out your
beak.
Q: I'm stuck as to what would
be a perfect birthday present for my pet poodle, Fluffy. She's
almost 4 and deserves something special. Any idea's?
(Greg, Toronto)
A: Take the bitch on
holiday...to Korea!
Q:
Would it hurt
if I cleaned my nob with Listerine mouthwash?
(Anon, UK)
A:
Listerine
contains an antiseptic so my guess is that soon after application
you'd run around the bathroom like a cat in a spin dryer. Can't
really see any advantage to this type of personal hygiene
practice... except perhaps healthier teeth and gums for your
girlfriend;)
Q:
Bored shitless
is an incorrect term. Scared shitless is how the 'shitless' phrase
should be used, as the person is so scared he empties himself of
shit. It doesn't work with the word bored.
(John Ward)
A:
Although the
definition at
Dictionary.com appears to support your
reasoning, the phrase 'shitless' has become a term used widely to
describe extremes of certain conditions. Last month at
Google.com
there were no searches for the term 'scared shitless' but there
were 47 searches for 'bored shitless'. Whether or not it is
grammatically correct should not be an issue as the term itself
has become widely accepted and used throughout the English language.
So fuck you!
Q:
How high is up?
(Martin, Perth)
A:
Ok, smartarse!
Quite simply equated if:
hup
= hceiling
Then up equals the height of the ceiling. To demonstrate the theory
in practice, throw a ball up. The ball will go to a maximum height
of the ceiling, therefore that is the height of up.
Q:
How many people
work at boredshitless.com?
(Mike, NY)
A:
About half of
them.
Q:
Why does a
vindaloo give you the shits the next day?
(Smiffy,
UK)
A:
Apart from the
six-pack of Bud you wash it down with, strong spices in the
curry are difficult to digest and will initially irritate the
stomach lining. Upon passing into the large intestine, bacteria
attack the spices and produce hydrogen sulphide gas. This
contributes to the rapid propulsion of faeces into the toilet bowl
producing a pebble-dash effect and a perfect excuse to bunk off
work.
Q:
If a venomous
snake bit it's tongue, would it poison itself?
(Joe)
A:
Nope, it's
immune to it's own venom. Also that of it's own and similar species.
On the subject of snakes, the common one eyed trouser snake is
capable of spitting potentially dangerous fluid up to 30 inches
(after an approx. 10 week resting period). This despite it's
average length of only 7 inches.
Q:
Why? (Greg)
A:
Because.
Q:
How big is it?
(Greg)
A:
Two letters.
Q:
Why do humans
only have 4 fingers and 1 thumb per hand? Surely life would be
easier with more, for typing and such like.
(Paul, Australia)
A:
Obviously more fingers
would mean production costs for glove manufacturers would increase,
in turn pushing up costs for the consumer and causing increased
poverty throughout the world. Therefore digits remain five due to a
complicated process called 'economic evolution'.
Q:
Why have some guys
just got one eyebrow straight across their forehead?
(Neil, UK)
A:
For no other reason than they are natural-born pig ugly dudes...you
an Oasis fan?
Q:
Why was six
scared?...because seven eight nine.
(Seamus)
A:
Since
Seamus, you choose to ask and answer your question, I feel I
simply must elaborate. Six may have been scared, but
unnecessarily. As a number cruncher, I can deduce: seven
plus eight minus nine means six was left alone.
Q:
Why do we have
belly-button fluff?
(Loz, UK)
A:
Belly button fluff has no purpose other than to be an interesting
topic of conversation at dinner parties, wedding receptions and job
interviews. It was rumoured that in 1998 Benetton™
began to recycle belly button fluff into sweatshirts in an attempt
to improve their environmentally friendly image. This however
failed, as did their range of ear wax candles and pubic hair dental
floss. Shame.
Q:
Is sex the best
cure for a headache? (I have a headache!!!)
(Liz)
A:
Absolutely! But
since
most ladies tend to
use the headache as a reason NOT to have sex, I have to ask...
WILL YOU MARRY ME? If not, there does exist two 100%
clinically proven headache cures... In capsule form (for those who
swallow) DeCap by Etation Ltd... Or, for those who don't mind having
a little prick, in ampule form: Ampu by the Tate Surgical
Removal Company. Simply ask your Doctor for DeCap-Etation or Ampu-Tate...proven
headache cures.
Q:
Why do we use
the stupid phrase, "raining cats and dogs"?
(Sammy, NY)
A:
Many years ago
in Japan when Car makers Nissan traded as Datsan, there was a huge
explosion in the gearbox department of their factory. Thousands of
components were catapulted into the air and, as they rained down, a
news reporter commented it was "raining Datsan cogs". He was later
reprimanded for breaking strict advertising regulations and further
reports were amended to today's well known phrase.
Q:
Have you ever
had déjà vu?
(Andy Jones, UK)
A:
No.
Q:
Have you ever
had déjà vu?
(Andy Jones, UK)
A:
Yes.
Q:
Is it true that
asylum seekers from Eastern Europe are FedEx-ing themselves to the
UK? (Kirsty,
Manchester)
A:
It is indeed
true Kirsty... Spawning the birth of the phrase "the Czech's in the
post"!
Q:
What is sex and
what do men and women gain from having it?
(Bella)
A:
Sex is the ancient art
of two people going out to lunch, spending lots of money, drinking
lots of booze, falling asleep together, then waking the next day
with the inability to recall any of their previous nights
activities. I first discovered this experience aged 21, and although
I personally gained very little, my partner went on to gain 105kg.
Q:
Does expecting
the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
(Al)
A:
The unexpected answer is, I expect it does. However, my wife's
expecting a baby. That was unexpected... I've had a
vasectomy. Bitch!
Q:
What Does 'OK'
Stand For, Seriously?
(Sean/Stu)
A: It's male
coding. Most men have at sometime been put in the awkward position
of describing another female to their lady partner. Rather than drop
ones-self in deep shit by being honest and saying 'she was a
knock-0ut', men quickly learned that simply abbreviating 'knock-out'
to 'KO' will adequately confuse ones lady partner enough for her to
accept this shortened explanation. (Perhaps they assume it means
'kin 'orrible'?) However, to be doubly sure, and especially in the
case of non-blonde ladies, the letters were later scrambled using
cryptographic algorithm techniques to create the word 'OK'...
Seriously!
Q:
What does Jeremy do? (Angie
parks, Wales)
A:
Jeremy? That's
simple. Have a look
here to find out.
Q:
Why do morons and people that can't get laid ask you stupid ass
questions? (Rob)
A:
To find out the
answer you sexless moron.
Q:
How can I stop pimples and how can I prevent them? (Kritter)
A:
Not trying to
be picky here, but doesn't your single question ask the same
question twice? Anyhow, you can't stop/prevent pimples. McDonalds
won't let you.
Q:
You answered a question for me previously, but
I'm not happy with your reply. (Rob)
A:
Then obviously Rob I don't think you quite
understand that what you believe I may have meant isn't what you
think I really said. Happy?
Q:
Have you ever farted in an elevator then
stared at the the guy next to you as if to make out it was him?
(James, Australia)
A:
Nope, I would never embarrass a guy in such a
way! After a good fart I always stare at a lady. That's much more
socially acceptable.
Q: If
there's life after death, will there be naked women?
(Nick, UK)
A:
Life after
death would put you in the same position you're in now, alive
that is.
And naked women definitely do exist...I saw one this morning. So no
worries there. Unless of course by 'life' you're actually referring
to LIFE, the radical extremist group Lesbianism Is
Female Evolution, dedicated to the desecration and
ultimate annihilation of the male species?...But that's another
kettle of fish!
Q:
What's a kettle
of fish? (Paul,UK)
A:
A fuckin'
horrible cup of coffee!
Q:
So why is
annihilation of the male species "A fuckin' horrible cup of coffee"?
(Sally)
A:
A warning... If
you're male and a member of the above mentioned 'LIFE' offer's you
coffee, don't drink it! 'Nuff said.
Q:Why
is mother alway's right?
(Stuart WR)
A:
Why the hell
you askin' me? Get the right answer...Ask your damn mother!
Q:
Do you think NASA knew the space shuttle was going to have trouble
landing safely before it entered the atmosphere?
(Floyd, UK)
A:
Absolutely. And
my heart goes out to the families of those who were so tragically
killed. But I can see the recruitment poster now...Need
Another
Seven
Astronauts.
Keep 'em
coming!
Questions to:
Ask BoredShitless
Complaints/girlie type stuff:
Ask
Veronica
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