What's the speed limit of sex?
68; at 69 you have to turn around.
What's the ultimate rejection?
When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
"How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute
ago."
Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
He heard the snow blower coming.
What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
Sexual harassment.
What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
$3.99 a minute.
What are the two greatest lies?
"The check is in the mail," and "I promise I won't cum in your
mouth."
What are three words you dread the most while making love?
"Honey, I'm home."
What's the definition of trust?
Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob.
Why is it called a Wonder Bra?
When she takes it off, you wonder where her tits went.
Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have time.
Why does it take a million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They don't stop for directions.
Why did the former porn actor get fired from his job as a gas
station attendant?
Right before the tanks were full, he would pull out the nozzle and
spray gas all over the car.
What is the difference between a frog and a horny toad?
One says ribbit ribbit, the other one says rub-it, rub-it!
What do a pizza delivery man and a gynaecologist have in common?
They can both smell it but they can't eat it.
What is the difference between a drug pusher and a prostitute?
A prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.
Why did the condom cross the road?
Because it was pissed off.
What does KFC and a woman have in common?
Once you're done with the breasts and the thighs, there's still a
greasy box to put your bone in.
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
"It might take me a while to get hard I just got layed last night."
What happens if you put the Energizer Bunny's batteries in
backwards?
He keeps coming and coming and coming...
What's long, hard, and has semen in it?
A submarine!
What's so bad about being a dick?
Your closest mates are 2 nuts and an ass hole, your master covers
you in a plastic bag, And every time you get excited you spew.
What's the difference between a penis and a bonus?
Your wife will always blow your bonus!
Why are electric trains like a mother's breasts?
They were both designed for the kids, but it's the fathers who are
always playing with them.
What did the banana say to the vibrator?
"I don't know why you're shaking...she's gonna EAT me!"
What did Adam say to Eve?
Stand back, I don't know how big this thing gets!
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
Hold unto your nuts-This is no ordinary Blow Job!
Why do men masturbate?
It's sex with someone they love.
Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down?
Nobody knows, it hasn't happened yet.
How do you know you're leading a sad life?
When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends."
Are birth control pills deductible?
Only if they don't work.
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
If we don't get some support soon, people are going to think we're
nuts.
What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster?
A cock that stays up all night. |
