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December 7, 2002
Ms Winona Ryder,
350 Park
Avenue - 9th Floor,
New York, NY 10022
USA
Dear Ms Ryder,
I was relieved to hear
your recently ended trial amounted only to little more than a
'slapped wrist' for the punishment of your shoplifting crime.
A probation order is
ideal for you to take time out to assess alternative ways in which
to fund your heroin addiction without breaking into your well
deserved, hard earned personal fortune.
Perhaps I could make a suggestion?
You may of heard that a couple of vacancies have arisen on the staff
of the British Royal family. Perks of the job mean that should you
by chance 'obtain' items of value belonging to the Monarchy, the
Queen herself will intervene to halt any legal proceedings that the
police take to court. Another bonus is that should this likely
situation occur, you can easily earn a few hundred grand selling
your story to the media (though you'll probably be doing that soon
anyway)
All the best for your future new
career.
Please note; I
have not enclosed a Bored Shitless car sticker on this occasion, but
instead have displayed one inside a stolen car for you to collect at
your convenience.
Yours Sincerely,
Simon Taylor.
Simon@boredshitless.com
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